-moi dix mois-
-eve of destiny-
translated by Kurai
-- Mana, what kind of person do you consider yourself to be?
Mana: Umm, a shy person? (awkward laugh)
-- In what ways?
Mana: I'm not very sociable. I can't approach people I don't know and chat with them, nor do I really have any desire to have a conversation. Um, when I do have the chance to socialize with others they usually say something like "wanna go out for a drink?". That kind of situation has hardly any substance, so I wont let myself be invited, nor will I invite others. (laughs)
-- (bitter smile) You really are the type that's hard to lure out!
Mana: That's right.. (laughs). By nature I don't like the noisiness of large groups of people, and I definitely don't want to bother mingling with others. So, its not that I want to talk with them but can't. If it's not going to be someone who I can feel something with, I don't have the desire to start a conversation, and even if I talk with a person like that.. since our point of views are different, I can't engage in a conversation with them, can I? So you could say I'm not very good at interpersonal relationships.. (laughs)
-- You don't want to absorb anything from those with different sensitivities than you?
Mana: Not at all. But, for me, there is nothing more important than improving, refining my own self... so I have a strong desire to bring everything within myself into existence. To refine the spirit of myself, I am always seeking what my true self should be doing.
-- And so what are the ways you improve yourself?
Mana: The things that you yourself love and feel for, be it reading books or watching videos, whatever it is do it all-out. For example, if you see a certain building you like, ask yourself "I wonder why I like that building?". And if you then buy a book on architecture, and do some research, you can discover something incredibly interesting to your self.
-- Wow. Are you researching anything right now?
Mana: The bizarre, illusionary gothic romance? [[i think this is a book title]] (laughs) For me, unable to live anywhere but in darkness and fantasy, this has been a theme through my whole life. I read those sorts of books, and also stuff related to things like Dracula. I also like cooking books, I read them often. Cookbooks, etc.. I've got a lot of different stuff...
-- So do you actually make anything?
Mana: No, I use my imagination to make things inside my head. (laughs) Eventually, when I have the time, I want to compete in a cooking challenge.
-- With French cuisine, of course?
Mana: Nah, I'm not really particular about French cuisine. It looks delicious.. but, French cuisine.. there's an emphasis on how beautiful it looks to the eye, an almost artistic thing isn't it? Seeing such food is like learning a lesson. Umm, normally, I just like to be by myself. I like to be alone and think about things.
-- Mana, is there anything you go crazy over?
Mana: Nope.. my emotional ups and downs are very set in place, so I don't have such emotional moments. I don't watch TV that much either, I find the comedy shows completely uninteresting. If I'm going to watch TV, it's cooking shows.. (laughs)
-- Shows like "dotchi no ryori show"?
Mana: (laughs) Yeah, I watch that. I'll watch anything really.. stuff like "kodai no iseki o sagaru" on NHK, or "sekai no shasou kara". I don't watch dramas at all. I believe watching TV is also like learning, so I have no interest in things I can't relate to.
-- Haven't there been a lot bizarre murders and acridity in dramas and movies lately?
Mana: I don't watch them, so I wouldn't know... cause I never get around to going to a theatre. I can't get into something with a group of a people. At a sad scene, with all the audience crying.. I hate that.
-- (bitter smile) You don't want to share the same atmosphere with others?
Mana: Nope, not with people I don't know. (laughs) When you go to a movie, forced to see all those other people aren't you? (laughs) So instead I'll watch a video, but never with other people.
-- For the same reason as the movie theatre?
Mana: The same. Probably because while I'm watching it the people talk to me or say things like "Oh, here's the cool part!" (laughs).
-- You talk very precisely!
Mana: That's not good.. (laughs) The things I like myself, I want to do only by myself. If people are around I definitely cannot compose music, and moreover when I'm reading a book I want to be alone to focus my mind on it... it may be just because I don't have any free time, that I like to be alone. If we didn't have arrangements for recording I would probably get lonely.. Now, doing malice mizer, since there is nothing besides this that I want to do as my way to express myself, I can always focus on the things I want to do for myself. My thoughts are that you should discover how you want to live for yourself, and that you must always have passion and excitement inside yourself.
-- Do you find that passion in books and such?
Mana: No, it comes from your self inside you.
-- Are you still searching for your hidden self?
Mana: I am growing my "self" inside me.
-- Because the self inside you now still has lacking points?
Mana: Right. I still have so far to go. I'm still young. As a single human I'm still young, as an artist too, I have yet to let out my full potential. I want to steadily let my potential bloom.
-- In what are you particularly young?
Mana: Well, I don't really feel like I can be a part of "social life". (laughs) The world's social relations.. in that I feel young. Social relations are a necessity for living among human society, I think. Of course no one can manage by themselves, I have had many different people help me out in my art.. and that is important I think.
-- Ah, so things like not knowing what to say to others?
Mana: Yeah, in that I am still a child. Though I record, I've been helped by many outside people... the string players, the singers... as the composer and leader of the band, there are many things I must do. But in front of large crowds I get very shy.
-- But in those cases, how do you improve yourself? You would think that in front of people that have a connection to you, it wouldn't be a problem.
Mana: (bitter smile) Well, one must always be reflecting on the "self". I have a small problem with pride, I always feel like I'm going to overlook something big. I think being an artist you must not have more pride than a normal person, you must never foster that kind of feeling.
-- Mana, aren't you becoming an adult?
Mana: Noo, not at all. Still far to go.
-- And as an artist, you stand in an environment where it's difficult to notice your growth.
Mana: Yes. But the fact that I have been able to say that I am still a child, in and of itself, shows that I have grown a little. Long ago I would never have even considered it.